I'm Pleased to Make Your Acquaintance

Okay...now you're in my state of mind so the following might serve as useful instead of typical blog banter.

This song means a lot to me because my husband actually chose it for our reception. You know the part when the wedding party comes in? He found it would be fitting to present our family/friends to this theme. The song is extremely catchy and for those 80s babies it is a reminder of hip-hop in its prime. Even more in depth, the song poses a valid question. It asks, "Friends. How many of us have them?". The question sounds easy enough. The automatic somewhat shallow answer would be "Of course I do", maybe even followed by a shrug and a smirk if you're feeling yourself that day.

...but sad to say most of us answer this question ignorantly. I know, I know. You want to know what the heck I'm talking about...follow me for a minute. Most of us mistake friends to simply be people we know. People we know are actually called acquaintances. According to Merriam-Webster, a friend is a person with whom one has a strong liking for and trust in, also a person who actively supports or favors a cause in which you are tied to. 

All these dang years we've been calling people by the wrong name. We have been using it casually and wonder why our feelings are hurt when these "friends" do not reciprocate the level of  liking or trust that we do. That's because due to our own omission we have committed an error in meaning. We simply didn't know any better. 

On Sunday, my closest friend (yes, she's been cleared for adequate friend title) and I were shooting the breeze and noticed that she and I have known each other for over half of our lives and haven't had a disagreement. We noticed that we are almost the same person in terms of value and the handling of close relationships. We have seen each other used and abused and have observed one another long enough to sit back and take notes on the dos and don'ts when approaching our friendship. Because of this, we have never had conflict within our space. I'm sure at some point we've had a difference in opinion because points of view will vary but seriously there has been no point of ambiguity or unresolved conflict in terms of argument. 

This blew my mind. Two women strong-willed, opinionated women with no conflict. I hadn't really heard of anything like this before. After hours of thought, on and off, I realized that it wasn't the lack of conflict that really fascinated me. Though it was an enigma in itself, it was when I saw that our friendship fit the definition of friendship. She has never given me a reason to question her trust, nor has she wavered in support and favor of my happiness no matter how silly the pursuit of that particular happiness may have been. For over 13 years she has always had my best interest at heart and genuinely liked me. I can say that with everything in me, I have done the same with pleasure. It was this unspoken covenant between us that has kept our friendship for all this time.

Time (one Mississippi...two Mississippi).

Now that I mention it, I noticed that a lot of emphasis is put on time in relation to friendship. I think it's awesome if you're 80 and have had a friend since you were 5. I would never take that away from anyone. Longevity is something that we lack as a society so it is something to be marveled. I just get nervous when I talk to people and then their justification for being friends with someone is "because we've known each other forever". I've heard this reasoning in romantic relationships but I won't even begin to touch that in this post. If you know me you know how I feel about that so I can skip it. If you'd like to hear my fist-shaking, gripes about it just leave me a message.

Let me just say this. I don't feel that anyone should ever slip through the cracks and snatch the title as friend. Friendship is earned. Stop being friends with people just because you've known them for a long time. Your time and emotion is worth more than that. When you hand people these unwarranted badges of honor and they disappoint you THEN you question their sincerity. Maybe you should've questioned your judgment.

Herpes is forever too but I can assure you that no one who has it takes delight in it, let alone in the sheer fact that its been around so long. Don't let people be a disease and/or parasite of your life.

Or you might look at it like hoarding. People can become a sense of comfort by way of collateral or collector's items because you want to surround yourself with something. People are not stuff and you're full of stuff if you handle people this way.

So what they've been there...but what have they done for you?! If you can't recall on one hand the times they have made your life better than they are just wasting space. Anyone can vent to you, especially over drinks...but could you call them in a life or death situation and know they would drop everything and come? Probably not. So that is a well-adjusted acquaintance, not your friend.

I don't know a lot but I have been gullible enough to know when life is holding up a neon sign over someone's head saying "Hey girl, this ain't your friend!!!" Now don't go around just slashing relationships left and right but really take the time to evaluate them. After all, that is emotion, time, and feeling that you invest and don't directly get back. However, the seed of friendship that you sow comes back indirectly in other ways and sometimes from the least likely of source. Be wise with your investments, make them work for you. Don't shell out anything you wouldn't feel comfortable losing. Ask a gambler, they'll tell you. Bet that.

Well...until next rant! Buh bye!
- Cam