You Look Tired Revamped

Almost two years ago when I was in the infantile stages of blogging I wrote a post about why women hate to hear the phrase "you look tired".

I am now going on record to say that not only should you not say it to a woman but don't even think about sending an ESP message telepathically to a woman that is a new mom. Let me let you in on a secret. SHE LOOKS HOW SHE FEELS!!!

If you've ever had a death wish, just simply utter "you look tired" to a new mom. This is when stating the obvious goes terribly wrong. Not only did you feel the need to comment on the inevitable, you thought it was okay to verbally declare it to someone who was sleep deprived. You might as well call IRS and tell them you cheat on your taxes and leave your SSN before you hang up the phone.

As a new mother to a four month, two week-er, I find myself on edge quite a bit. I will admit that a good portion of that is my fault. I look for confirmation from people who are too busy critiquing to show concern or people who have no idea what I'm talking about.

Most times, I assume that because billions of women have had babies before they just know what I'm going through and are inclined to feel ever so sympathetic and possibly offer good sound support. I couldn't be more wrong. Half these women dismiss it from their mind so they can't pull from their memory bank to go back to that time when they felt that way. I think it's God's way of ensuring that we are fruitful and multiply because if anyone really remembered how crappy they felt postpartum we would all be only children or even worse, the human race would have died out a long time ago. So we are hardwired to forget the bad and retain most of the good.

I'm sure this time next year I'll probably be knocked up again and forget all about this blog post but as of right now I have to get this out.

"Old" moms so easily forget that they were once zombies treading through their house at 4am wishing for the gift of deaf to fall upon their ears because their baby has learned their true lung capacity. You would think someone would walk up and just say "I know. It gets better." and just walk away but they don't. Instead they walk up in the most scientific of tone and say things like "your baby should be sleeping through the night". Oh "should" huh? When did "should" put a guilt trip on a baby and force them to abide? "Ohhh man, you've got me. I knew better", says infant then proceeds to brush straight past REM and fall into a stage four sleep.

Is there a statute of limitations on this "should", "SHOULD" I just bank on the baby knowing that this unspoken agreement between them and sleep exists? Or put it in writing and make them sign it in drool??

I haven't quite found a solution on how to keep Nosy Nancys and Obvious Olivias away but I have found a way to make myself feel better about the situation. Like to hear it? Here it goes...

Give these people a taste of their own medicine. Since they think they are doing you a service by telling you that you look less than lovely, return the favor. Say "you look _________" and insert whatever adjective of shade you'd like. They'll see that the obvious doesn't go down so smooth. You mad??? Well I'm tired, we're even.

...and of course I must end deliciously sarcastic post with this very true and real disclaimer/declaration, I love my shrilling colicky baby, I know she doesn't mean any harm by crying and keeping her Mama up (who in turn keeps Daddy up to share in the misery). Crying is how she talks and I'm always open to communication. I'm adjusting to the Prada bags under my eyes after a long night's conversation...but until baby girl gets the sleep thing down I will wear my new accessories proudly. Hey, they go great with my stretch marks.

Til next time...probably the next sleepless night. Buh bye!