Captain Obvious

I will be twenty-nine this year and since I can remember I've been super observant. This is something that I've had to grapple with because not only was I observant, I would feel the need to say what I saw. Not in a malicious way but I just thought it was fair game for conversation. Being opinionated is not a bad thing but it comes with lots of responsibility and risks. You can become a villain in a matter of syllables and by the time you've realized how your sharp your comment sounds, it has already assaulted the ear of the innocent.

You must know that it is totally fine to have an opinion, that's why God gave us cognitive ability however what is conceived in the mind might not always be beneficial if it leaves the mind. Some things are better left unsaid and their strength and novelty are based on their containment. If you have to share, make sure your timing and delivery are tactful and you are ready for the repercussions. Because even if you polish whatever you have to say and go over it to make sure there are no possible ways for it to be misinterpreted, you still can't guarantee that it won't offend.

After being put in my place repeatedly by my mom and other loved ones over the years, I've learned. that you can have gems of wisdom to hand off to someone but if you package it wrong they might as well be bricks thrown at someone's heart. You've seen how annoying bad reception can be with cell phone coverage. Ill-received messages and words can be just as bad anywhere else.

Being pregnant, I keep things light, watch a lot of comedies and make effort to literally bite my lips to keep in any loose words.  I refrain from saying a lot to avoid the hormonal label. I'm not sure why people think that saying "Oh, you're pregnant so that's why _________" is a fitting thing to say. Everybody is an OB/GYN when you get pregnant. That's good to know because when this water of mine breaks that means I have a lot of capable people that can help me get this baby here safe.

That pregnancy/hormonal comment really negates one's responsibility to be respectful of someone else's feelings and makes them seem as if they don't matter. I'm not saying you have to hold our feelings dear to your heart but don't wipe your feet on them either. I feel like the sensitivity that comes with being pregnant mixed with my opinionated nature could be a recipe for disaster at times so the safest way to communicate is...being direct but making sure my words are few. I even have to trick myself into thinking that I didn't hear certain things before my heart can process it and get in my feelings. Hence why some of my friends won't hear from me until after I deliver. It's not that I don't want to talk to you, I would love to but I'm proactive in preventing offense...so I stay away.

For example, during this pregnancy and even last pregnancy I've been called "fat and greedy". I find this quite odd. When my grandmother passed away in 2007 and I packed on a few visible pounds, no one felt the need to critique my weight gain then but the times that I'm nobly toting more weight for the sake of bringing forth life...people feel the need to state the obvious. Strange.

Okay, I haven't been "skinny" for quite some time now and that's great because I was never a fan of my body type then. I've always preferred myself with a little girth. I didn't want to walk around looking hungry but now I've seemed to have been thrust into "fat and greedy" status. Hmm. Okay. Ironically, I eat less when pregnant so this statement really puzzled me.

I don't purposefully eat less but when I really thought about it, all the things I love to consume are most of the things on the list of foods I can't have while expecting. I try to opt out of those things for more substantial choices and they tend to have more fiber thus making me full longer. In addition to that all I ever really want is juice, I'm always so thirsty and I pee every hour it seems so I don't hold on to that long.

Anyway, who said it was okay for someone to comment on a woman's weight? Even more in depth, who said that it was fitting for a man to call a pregnant woman "fat and greedy"?! Boyyyyyyyyyyyyy. That should've been taught to you right up there with looking both ways before crossing the street because comments like that will get you hit.

I don't need anyone to state the obvious to me because as I've mentioned earlier chances are I've already thought it. If it's something that pertains to me or my body image I'm willing to bet I've thought it three times over and given myself just as many reasons to be insecure about it so I really don't need anyone to help me with that.

After the person proceeded to label me I felt myself getting ready to respond but I showed restraint. Because this person is an elder and highly respected, I wanted to make sure I didn't say anything that would come off as rude even though I would've been justified in saying something snide back.

In attempt to quietly reconcile being offended I thought to myself, now what does a man go through that would make him feel terrible if someone stated the obvious in that moment/phase in his life?

I thought of a few:

1. Preparing to make love and being stopped in his tracks. What if Mr. Casanova thought he was about to get down and dirty and his equipment didn't work. His lady companion says "Ahhh geez, looks like everyone's not on board huh?" A totally natural and common experience that happens from time to time right? Yet, if someone felt the need to comment on it, they would probably be ashamed. Not cool.

2. After a losing a fight. Literally, you win some and you lose some. I've seen men defend their lady's honor and not taking into account the muscle to fat ratio of said opponent, they get their tail whooped. This is a very unfortunate situation, more so than the previous. Every lady wants to feel like her man can defend her so when he falls short in this way, it's a bit scary. What if the lady wasn't as sensitive to her man's failure and was silly enough to say "He was way bigger than you, what were you thinking?!" She know that if the guy didn't attempt to fight on her behalf she would've labeled him a punk but now she doesn't know why he even tried. The nerve. He took that risk for you boo.

3. When a man cries. I personally see nothing wrong with a man that can shed a tear. If you are crying more than me, I might be caught off guard but certain situations would be understood and I wouldn't fault you for that. Losing a loved one, a burst of overwhelming joy during a life event, or even showing vulnerability all alone with someone you trust. It is normal and necessary to get out emotion somehow. I've seen a wife criticize her husband for crying more than her at her mother's funeral. "He's supposed to be comforting me and he won't stop crying". I thought this was a bit insensitive because most guys don't really rock with their mother-in-laws that hard let alone hail them closer than their own mother. This guy was really hurt by the loss and it was genuine. I would've just been in awe that my dude really loved my mom that much and in itself that would've been comforting to me because I wasn't alone in my feelings.

4. A man with a disability or physical short-coming. If someone has an assisted device either crutches, cane, etc. They don't want someone coming up to them saying "looks like you're having a hard time getting around". Uhhhhh, probably so. If they need a device to ASSIST their movement. Men are viewed as strong and want to feel unbreakable, they don't want your pity so this is a direct hit to the core of what they are seen to be. Making such a comment would be extremely irrelevant and downright stupid.

So on behalf of all the other women full of fetus, I'm urging everyone but specifically the men to think before you speak. If someone as opinionated as me can scale back and take the time to review my comments before sharing them, I think anyone can. It would be nice if you could do the same.

..."fuggedaboutit"

I've always admired the Italian culture. Their good eats, the beauty and fullness of their country (according to the pics *sigh*) and the way they carry on through life just somehow knowing that things will work out.

...and if things don't, "fuggedaboutit". 

One could dispute what is dubbed the main staple of contribution from the Italian culture. Some might say pizza and I would agree that is one heck of a gift even though pizza actually originated in Greece. Anyway, if I had my pick, the most gracious contribution of the Italians by way of New York is that lovely quoted word above. 

Though it has been said in Brooklyn for years beyond possible trace of origin, the term was made popular to the rest of us in the 1997 film Donnie Brasco.

It is translated "forget about it" but can vary in meaning according to the context. The most common use is to assure you that whatever is happening or being said is not worth a second thought or glance so in response you "fuggedaboutit", erase it from your mind. 

The next meaning could simply be "hell no". For example, if that infamous favor-asker calls you to come thirty miles out your way to come pick them up, gas is about $4 and you KNOW they aren't shelling out any dollars toward the fuel fund this would be a fitting scenario to say "fuggedaboutit" and slam down the phone. 

The last known meaning is when you are actually confirming something in excitement, a no-brainer of sorts. For instance, you go in the grocery store specifically because you want ice cream. You have about $7 in cash and don't feel like hitting up the ATM to aid your sugar efforts. You prepare to go straight to the grocery store brand because you know it's always cheaper. 

...but wait! You see Ben & Jerry's has a sale 2 for $6. You can get better quality and possibly find a better variety. MAYBE EVEN YOUR FAVORITE FLAVOR!! Doesn't even matter what that store brand costs, thanks to Ben AND Jerry. You scoop those pints up like it's nothing and proceed to walk like George Jefferson to the check-out..."fuggedaboutit". 

Ahhh, what a word! Versatile and so widely understood at the same time. My kinda lingo. 

I think I'll even upgrade it from word to state of mind. 

I encourage you to do the same. 

Lord knows I have. 

Buh bye!

-Cam

I'm Pleased to Make Your Acquaintance

Okay...now you're in my state of mind so the following might serve as useful instead of typical blog banter.

This song means a lot to me because my husband actually chose it for our reception. You know the part when the wedding party comes in? He found it would be fitting to present our family/friends to this theme. The song is extremely catchy and for those 80s babies it is a reminder of hip-hop in its prime. Even more in depth, the song poses a valid question. It asks, "Friends. How many of us have them?". The question sounds easy enough. The automatic somewhat shallow answer would be "Of course I do", maybe even followed by a shrug and a smirk if you're feeling yourself that day.

...but sad to say most of us answer this question ignorantly. I know, I know. You want to know what the heck I'm talking about...follow me for a minute. Most of us mistake friends to simply be people we know. People we know are actually called acquaintances. According to Merriam-Webster, a friend is a person with whom one has a strong liking for and trust in, also a person who actively supports or favors a cause in which you are tied to. 

All these dang years we've been calling people by the wrong name. We have been using it casually and wonder why our feelings are hurt when these "friends" do not reciprocate the level of  liking or trust that we do. That's because due to our own omission we have committed an error in meaning. We simply didn't know any better. 

On Sunday, my closest friend (yes, she's been cleared for adequate friend title) and I were shooting the breeze and noticed that she and I have known each other for over half of our lives and haven't had a disagreement. We noticed that we are almost the same person in terms of value and the handling of close relationships. We have seen each other used and abused and have observed one another long enough to sit back and take notes on the dos and don'ts when approaching our friendship. Because of this, we have never had conflict within our space. I'm sure at some point we've had a difference in opinion because points of view will vary but seriously there has been no point of ambiguity or unresolved conflict in terms of argument. 

This blew my mind. Two women strong-willed, opinionated women with no conflict. I hadn't really heard of anything like this before. After hours of thought, on and off, I realized that it wasn't the lack of conflict that really fascinated me. Though it was an enigma in itself, it was when I saw that our friendship fit the definition of friendship. She has never given me a reason to question her trust, nor has she wavered in support and favor of my happiness no matter how silly the pursuit of that particular happiness may have been. For over 13 years she has always had my best interest at heart and genuinely liked me. I can say that with everything in me, I have done the same with pleasure. It was this unspoken covenant between us that has kept our friendship for all this time.

Time (one Mississippi...two Mississippi).

Now that I mention it, I noticed that a lot of emphasis is put on time in relation to friendship. I think it's awesome if you're 80 and have had a friend since you were 5. I would never take that away from anyone. Longevity is something that we lack as a society so it is something to be marveled. I just get nervous when I talk to people and then their justification for being friends with someone is "because we've known each other forever". I've heard this reasoning in romantic relationships but I won't even begin to touch that in this post. If you know me you know how I feel about that so I can skip it. If you'd like to hear my fist-shaking, gripes about it just leave me a message.

Let me just say this. I don't feel that anyone should ever slip through the cracks and snatch the title as friend. Friendship is earned. Stop being friends with people just because you've known them for a long time. Your time and emotion is worth more than that. When you hand people these unwarranted badges of honor and they disappoint you THEN you question their sincerity. Maybe you should've questioned your judgment.

Herpes is forever too but I can assure you that no one who has it takes delight in it, let alone in the sheer fact that its been around so long. Don't let people be a disease and/or parasite of your life.

Or you might look at it like hoarding. People can become a sense of comfort by way of collateral or collector's items because you want to surround yourself with something. People are not stuff and you're full of stuff if you handle people this way.

So what they've been there...but what have they done for you?! If you can't recall on one hand the times they have made your life better than they are just wasting space. Anyone can vent to you, especially over drinks...but could you call them in a life or death situation and know they would drop everything and come? Probably not. So that is a well-adjusted acquaintance, not your friend.

I don't know a lot but I have been gullible enough to know when life is holding up a neon sign over someone's head saying "Hey girl, this ain't your friend!!!" Now don't go around just slashing relationships left and right but really take the time to evaluate them. After all, that is emotion, time, and feeling that you invest and don't directly get back. However, the seed of friendship that you sow comes back indirectly in other ways and sometimes from the least likely of source. Be wise with your investments, make them work for you. Don't shell out anything you wouldn't feel comfortable losing. Ask a gambler, they'll tell you. Bet that.

Well...until next rant! Buh bye!
- Cam

Pay Homage

 

 

The mixtape that is currently king in my earphones,

 hands down is Pay Homage by VA Pete.

 

I'm big on instrumental selection for mixtapes.

It's easy to pick the instrumental or sound that is current and that every other rapper is using on their tapes but VA Pete has chosen the songs that successfully highlight the intensity he achieves in his lyrics and tone.

 

He brings rap back to a time where hip-hop and rap were two different entities and you could dicipher the two. (Yes, there is a difference.)

 

Though a self-proclaimed hip-hop head, there are times I want to listen to rap.

Just raw bars full of emotion and hunger.

 

For those post-80s babies who swear that what they hear on the radio is rap and think they hear bars, they should listen to this and re-assess their opinion of genre.

Click the link at the top, get back to me and tell me what you think.

 

 

#kisses #nature #besos #smooches #muah #flower #3rdverse

#kisses #besos #smooches #lipssince87 (lol) #3rdverse 😚

Undercover Narcissist Foot Fetish

Given the amount of times I stick my foot in my mouth I think it’s safe to say a few things about me.

1. As much as I thought I hated feet, I seem to have an affinity for them.


2. Well not feet in general, just my own. I can’t seem to get the desire for the taste out my mouth.


3. As analytical as I am, I still speak with no review of potential consequence and aftermath.


4. I should just shut up.

Only $2.99 at Shoppers. This stuff is the truth. Wash, comb through and apply evenly. #naturalhair #soulglow #curlysue #3rdverse

✒One of my old sketches I found at Mom’s house.

#Love #3rdverse

We’ve been thru a lot together. Been there half my life. Jumped fences, bboy-ed from NY to VA, and I wore these when I met Savion Glover before I changed in my tap shoes. We’ve even “ranaway” from home together, it was actually @ms_morena587 ‘s house but not the point. They have been there for me and each mark and spot tell a story. My greatest moments in them are teaching and passing on a portion of where they’ve taken me. #Dance #ChuckTaylor #3rdverse #EachOneTeachOne

I felt around in my purse and thought this was my Smarttrip, ‘til I looked down and I wondered why the gate didn’t open. 😔 #commuterlife #greenline #3rdverse #freedrawsbutnometroentry

Meters

Her mind races, he sprints after.
Her thoughts were winded and stopped for water, he quit the race to give her a drink.
They decide to run in stride, side by side.
Finished.

Compositions.

(Blank) me.

Breathe me.
Take in my air. Let me fill your lungs.

See me.
Let visions of me blind you from all shades of gray that seek to cover our color.

Hear me.
My laughter will be what you listen for and mute anything that sounds remotely like doubt.

Talk me…
to sleep. Your words will serve as a lullaby and I’ll dream of us.

Feel me.
That phantom touch is my hand. The hand that waved goodbye but never lifted high enough to say hello again.

From Nigger to Nigga: The Blackest of History

This is not justification for my use of the word “nigga”, just my feelings about it and experience with it.

About seven years ago my boyfriend at the time was biracial, Caucasian and Korean to be exact. In casual convo I was explaining a situation that happened and of course I used exact quotes. Don’t worry, I cite my sources.

In the story I said “nigga” quite a bit and wasn’t conscious of my excessive use of it until after he mentioned it when I was done my story. He will probably never remember this but it really resonated with me and forced me to examine something about myself I was deaf and dumb to; my acknowledgement of my usage.

In the most calm way with good intent he says “Why do you get offended when others say it but you use it all the time?” At first I felt some kind of way. Not really sure why but I was taken back by the fact that he was really paying attention to me and kind of put me in check at the same time. Being the militant person I am, I knew I had to use this opportunity to say something deep that covered me for my word usage while counter-checking him for calling me out. Needless to say, I couldn’t find some insanely intelligent rebuttal because there was no excuse. I simply said “It’s an in-house word. For example, I know you’ve called your sister out her name before…as siblings tend to do right?” He agreed and I continued to say that “you can call your sister anything you want because that’s YOUR sister, let someone else that isn’t related to her call her out her name and you’ll go off. It’s kind of like that.” I was content with my response in spite of how rushed and premature it was but I could see in his hazel eyes he just was not convinced. The subject changed so I never really got to follow-up and ask him if he understood my reasoning. This only made me question the understanding of my own reasoning. Was my response just a quick save to divert my excessive “nigga” drop and make light of it? To be honest with you, I still don’t know. I probably never will. I’ve come to somewhat of a conclusion about “nigga’s” cameos in my convos. My thoughts as to why I have kept it around for so long.

This is not a tirade to defend my use but to clarify why I still use it despite its ugly connotation.

Our people have been known to master the “remix”. We can take anything, flip its meaning to fit our current subculture. Especially our rappers, they stay relevant because of their gift to reinvent. We would get bored with the same adjectives and expletives, they make it so our everyday ideals are reconstructed. They have tampered with what we have known things to be. They tell us what it is now. They force change by letting their profession rest on being the Lords of Oxymoron. They take the ugly scarlet letter and make it a term of endearment. It could even serve as a placeholder similar to a zero if you’re on the wrong side of it. Am I saying I’m a rapper? Nope. I can’t spit 16 off the top but as much as I hate to admit it. I’m a clone of pop culture and the sum of black culture. The word “nigga” comes with the territory.

Now my opinion only applies if “nigga” is just a word in the lexicon and not a mindset or lifestyle. If it is the latter…nigga I don’t know what to tell you.

First Aid

Healing hurts and it is uncomfortable but necessary to get back to normal function. You know when you put alcohol on a cut and there’s that initial burn? The best thing I could compare my advice to is alcohol. It stings at first but when you really let it settle and get in good, it can clean all the mess up. If you want protection and covering, I can do that too. Sort of like a bandaid. However, I will NOT put the bandaid on before I clean your wound. Don’t ask me for my opinion, thoughts, or advice unless you can handle the sting.  

Temporary Solace in Eternal Sunshine

I am extremely familiar with the soundtrack for Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Jay Electronica’s mix tape over its music score. Today I actually watched the movie. Ehhhhh, not sure if it was a wise choice. Great movie and all but now I am consumed with the concept that there is some clinic that provides its clients with selective memory loss through object conditioning.

If art imitates life, why can’t such a place exist? I can’t say that I’d dedicate my days in search of but now I have something to hope for to serve as a distraction to the memories I want to erase.

Maybe that was the point of the movie all along. Life provides salve for all of memory’s ills, just no actual cure.

Mane.

Marriage is...

…a bank. You can’t take out what you didn’t put in or you’ll go negative. Deposit happiness and you will be available to withdrawl it when needed.